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| Joe and I (and the gorgeous dress!) |
May 9, 2014—the weather was beautiful, my family had arrived…
it was going to be a great day. Finally,
the day I had dreamed about was here! This
is the day that I will walk across the stage as the first person in my family
to earn a bachelor’s degree. Talk about
being proud! I had everything
prepared. My dress (which I did not get
until the night before) fit perfectly and I absolutely loved it! I had all of
my cords, my sash, my cap, tassel, gown, shoes… check, check, and double
check! I was ready to go.
Oh wait! Diabetes interruption--Where am I going to put my
pump?! I have the perfect dress, and it
won’t go anywhere. I couldn’t wear my
leg strap because it would show, and the dress was low cut so the bra was not
an option. I cursed the day I decided to
get a pump, but I eventually clipped it to my bra. *Tall people looking down could see it, but
then again no one saw it under my huge gown*
Now, I had a debate with myself for a few days prior to
graduation. Should I carry a small purse
with me to carry during commencement?
Unfortunately, anything you carried (a purse/ phone, etc.) would be
stuck with you for the entire ceremony (~2 hours). I really didn’t want to carry a bulky meter,
but I also didn’t want to carry a purse (or wear a crossbody under my
gown). At the last minute I decided that
I would carry absolutely nothing with me.
This is where I went wrong.
The ceremony may last about two hours, but I had to get
there an hour earlier. Therefore, that
is THREE hours without a meter and glucose tablets. When I
parked my car, I checked my blood sugar—109.
I handed my meter, glucose tablets, and phone to my mother and said my
goodbyes before I whisked off to the gym where the graduates were meeting. While I sat there anxiously waiting with my
fellow graduates, I started to feel a bit shaky. At first I thought it was just nerves—no wonder! However as I sat there it got worse and
worse. Thoughts raced through my mind:
“If I get up now, maybe I can find my family and eat some
tablets and make it back in time…”
“What if I can’t find my family…? It’s almost 5pm, there’s probably a thousand
people in the stands by now…”
“Maybe I can borrow someone’s phone and call Joe, and he can
bring me some tablets…”
“Now it’s 5:08, I can’t get up now, the ceremony starts at
5:30. I’m sure they are about to start lining us up…”
“Maybe the ceremony won’t last long, and this is just
nerves. If it is my blood sugar, maybe
if I stop thinking/stressing about it, it won’t drop as fast…”
Before I knew it we were lining up and walking in. I had committed now, there was nothing I
could do. As I walked in the coliseum I
started to feel a little better (Whew, maybe it was just nerves!). However, as I stood there waiting for all of
the graduates to come in, I felt extremely shaky.
Once we were seated, I could relax. I tried to focus on the ceremony, NOT my
blood sugar. I had found my family, and
so I kept turning to smile at them, as a reassurance so they wouldn’t worry (I
was looking pretty solemn as the graduates were entering). Other than shaking like a leaf, I was
okay. The less I thought about it, the
better I was. During the keynote speaker‘s
address, I zoned out a few times thanks to my dropping blood sugar. I cannot explain how upset I am now looking
back. I should have been in the moment,
soaking it all in. Instead I was
silently suffering in my chair.
When it was time to stand up and move our tassels, I was in
big trouble. As soon as the chancellor
said for us to move our tassels from the right to the left I had this moment of
confusion.
For starters, I could not figure out my right and left. For some reason I thought that my tassel had
been on the wrong side to begin with (already on the left side), and everyone
was moving their tassel the wrong way. I
stood there holding my tassel in my right hand and looked around. I felt panicky. “Why are they moving their tassel to the
wrong side?” I finally turned to the
girl beside me and asked her, but it was so noisy I don’t think she heard
me. She just pointed for me to move it,
so I did.
Then it hit me. I am
ruining my own graduation. Because of my
complete lack of judgment, I will forever regret this moment in my life. Will I even make it to shake the chancellor’s
hand, or will I pass out on the way?
Will I remember walking across the stage? As I stood there shaking, the thoughts in my
mind were deafening.
All of a sudden we’re moving. I heard my name being called from a distance
and I looked to my right to see a huge gap in the line. One of my classmates was trying to get my
attention, we were about to go across the stage! I shook my head as if to erase the negative
thoughts as I hurried down the row to catch up.
My cheeks were flushed from embarrassment, as I waited for my name to be
called.
Okay, it’s my turn. I
handed the reader my card. Yes, that’s
how you pronounce my name. Then it
happened. The moment I had waited
for. My name was called and I walked up
to the chancellor with a huge grin on my face as I shook his hand. All of my negative thoughts disappeared and
time seemed to freeze. I couldn’t hear my
family cheering--I was too busy focusing on the moment. After I received my diploma I turned to walk
down the aisle back to my seat. I
stopped to shake the Dean of the education school’s hand, and instead of
walking to the left of him like I should have, I awkwardly walked around the
right of him and back to the left to go to my seat. That in itself was embarrassing, but I didn’t
care. I survived. I graduated and didn’t pass out at the
ceremony!
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| Watery eyes with my siblings |
After the ceremony was over, the graduates exited out the
front of the coliseum. Because I did not
have my phone, it took forever to find my family. Unfortunately, because of my severely low
blood sugar, all I could think about was finding my glucose tablets, not
hugging and celebrating with my family (again, another way that Diabetes ruined
everything). When I found all 10 of them,
I gave brief hugs and asked for the tablets.
I stood there crying, chewing the tablets vigorously as I gave hugs. Everyone had made a sort of semi-circle around
me and I felt embarrassed. I was ruining
the moment of celebration for my family. I just kept repeating, “I ruined my own
graduation.” “I’m so sorry, I ruined my own graduation.” Once I started feeling better, everyone
wanted to take pictures. In all of the
pictures, my eyes are puffy and watery.
Diabetes strikes again.
